Board Thread:Rant and Rave/@comment-26159109-20170515020842/@comment-31619992-20170516225834

Well, I’m writing my review here because in the other topic, if you are critic, you are a hater… I suppose I’m a “dark oncer”.

First, I want to apologize if there’s any mistake in this text. English is not my mother language.

What we saw in Storybrooke? A Henry that keeps his memories, but we don’t know how (not even the Black Fairy know it, I’m sure). The Black Fairy, that can’t be more stupid. Why not put Emma under a sleeping curse and bury her alive? Why not steal Henry’s memories? And Gold… Gold doesn’t know what logic is. Why he betrayed the heroes in 6x19? I don’t understand his behavior since season 4 and, specially, since 5x11. Everything was like a parody and the scenes were happening too fast that I didn’t have time to laugh of how ridiculous all was. For example, Belle’s photos (please… Meanwhile the Black Fairy was “practically” inventing dark magic I suppose she was also seeing YouTube photoshop’s tutorials. She will make season 7 promotional posters, you’ll see) or when Fiona push Henry down stairs… All the Latin American soap operas should be proud hahahaha. And they are exaggerated: Henry ends unconscious and in the hospital with a collar and a broken harm. But, just a moment after… Magic! Chas! He can even hold a sword… ¬¬ And Fiona also edits videos! She would be a perfect youtuber (she should recorder a setup of that Dark Realm that is not canon anymore). But her best talent is architecture. What a wonderful mayor! What public services! Vote for Fiona, please! Have you see that mental hospital? But, of course, security has the lowest level of all, because Emma scapes… Twice? I don’t remember now. But I remember that Boston is four hours from Storybrooke, and Emma went and came in the same day and with just a few minutes of difference (that’s what it looks). And she even went to the apartment that she had rent like 3 years ago, one where she never came back, one that is even clean, without a speck of dust. And her bosses were waiting for her! Did they know that Emma was in a mental hospital? Seriously, I was like Belle (“what’s going on?”). Everything was random and without point. But the best is for the Enchanted Forest, of course…



We continue marveling at Black's architectural skills, who has taken the trouble to rebuild George's castle even though she was going to destroy the worlds. Of course that's an assumption, because, why the writers would bother explaining it? And the best is that in the next scene, at the next moment, they all are in a different castle. Was not easier that they had appeared there in Leopold’s palace? Why did they have to appear in George’s? Why did David say they were married JUST BEFORE the spell when they weren’t? And then Zelena appears with some random munchkins that, who knows why, are helping her, the Wicked Witch. And another CHAS! There’re multiples hats of course. Why Jefferson went mad then? Why he couldn’t made another hat in Wonderland? And why the munchkins have one? And why Ruby, Mulan and Dorothy are not with them and Zelena?

And Jasmine’s and Aladdin’s outfits deserves a mention. I saw carnival disguises better than whatever they were wearing.

Did you see that there was a tiki door in the hat? #MoanaFanserviceForSeason7

Then comes the stupidest moment of the episode (oh, I think I'm going to say that so many times that it will lose its meaning): the fanservice #CaptainCharming with a silly thing that has not contributed anything. In other words, they climbed the stem to a palace of giants (when the only giant that remains alive is in Storybrooke and the beans, besides taking 100 years to cultivate, HAD FINISHED multiples times). But, oh, not only is there a bean, but at the table we see fresh and well-cut fruit, sausages, and even wine! Was it really necessary?

Was it really necessary that dragon / little lizard? Was it really necessary that they fall from the beanstalk? There is no way to survive that. And Jasmine, where did she get the carpet? She saved the carpet and not her father? And that true love kiss from Blanca to David, what did it do? Did it cure a multiple traumatism?

And the worlds, why are they being destroyed? Because the savior does not believe? And then, in the first season, in the 28 years of Emma as an orphan and in the lost year why they were not destroyed? And Leopold’s castle is the center of Fairy Tale Land? How convenient…

And when the protagonists and the refugees (who were less compliant the scenes happened) they go "to the center"... I laughed with laughter. Everything fell, everything was shattered, but there were the banners… Immovable.

That's when I started with the death list:

―Ruby, Mulan, Dorothy and Toto.

―Alice, her father, her stepmother, her stepsister, Cyrus and their unnamed daughter.

―Ariel and Eric.

―Merida and the DunBroch people.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―Elsa and the Frozen people ^^ Yes!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―Jasmine’s father.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―Ursula and Poseidon.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―Guinevere and Lancelot.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―Nemo and Liam 2 (oh, wait, they’re not canon anymore).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">―The merry men and ... ROLAND! I had a heart attack. ROLAND DEAD! And to all this, Candy Candy (aka the former Evil Queen) said that iWish Robin was with friar Truck. Was she saying that Robin is robbing the real Robin's life? AND HAVE HE MEET ROLAND?! And speaking of Candy Candy, did anyone think that she and Regina were going to kiss when they said goodbye? Hahaha, it would have been very random, but come on, that's the style this season, isn’t it? I can imagine Sam Witwer at home saying thanks to heaven that he was killed in 6x04.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And then is when Emma come back and CHAS! The apocalypse stops.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Wasn't she believing in the road or in the moment she decided to come back? Why did not the apocalypse stop before?

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Black Fairy, meanwhile, have been missing the power of her wand for centuries. Well, she has had many episodes to go for it. And she has Gideon's heart! Are you telling me that Gideon carries a random heart inside? And Belle... Anyway. No sense, no explanation and... (with Belle’s voice) What's goig on?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And when the curse is broken (again) they all come back to... Storybrooke? Did the Agrabah people and the Munchkins also go to SB?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Belle goes running to Rumpel and she not complains nor anything ¬ ¬ And they go to the mines looking for the heart of their son, to save it, to save the world, to prevent the final battle ... But Bella, that according to the two is a heroine, surrenders because he has twisted his ankle! AND THE SUPER DARK ONE CAN’T HEAL IT! AND THE RUMPELTUTORIAL APPEARS! I’m done with Rumbelle. I’m since 5x11. Rumpel sucks and Belle… A&E must hate her, because she can’t be worst written.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And the "final battle" ... Well. At least it was well choreographed. What's going on? Does Emma bleed light magic or what? And why does Gideon become a baby again? WHY?! Although at least when they go after him, Bella limps.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">8:15 and all the worlds are restaured because ... Why? For the final battle or...? Really, why? Is that in this series everything is because yes, everything is a CHAS and a Deus ex machine. And now it turns out that Tinker is in Neverland; they show us the caterpillar, because is more important to know that he is alive than Anastasia; and they show us archive of Sven that describes me seeing the episode. And what about the Dark Realm? And those children in prison? And that announced RB trip there? And those Gideons who coexisted at different ages? And the Land Of The Untold Stories? And Oz? And why does the EQ appear in the EF?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And that epilogue? That epilogue that doesn’t close any character. All continue in SB living happily and pissing cologne. All are friends of all, even Rumpel! And they have dinner together at Granny's emulating Da Vinci's "Last Supper"... What a real, final, disgusting piss. And the two Mongolians of the showruners filling their mouths saying that this was the end they always had in mind for the series since 2000. Of course ¬¬

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And CHAS, we are in 2029 I don’t want to know nothing more of OUAT.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">And they bring Violet back only for show her in the distance and unfocused.

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">An episode that more than disastrous I would say is pathetic. Poorly written and full of nonsense. The first part tells practically nothing and the characters do not do more than to walk around without route. The final battle could not have been more anti-climax; The Black Fairy is a shame, just like the way they have killed her (Pan is crowned as the best villain in the series). And that archive tour around the worlds ... More of them we should have seen and more characters too. Do not they fill the mouth saying that the end of this stage was devised since 2000?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">There has been a lack of epicness in everything, even in the apocalypse. Why not show Zelena and the Munchkins running away while the Emerald City falls? Why not show a thousand of things more useful than that nonsense excursion to the house of Anton? Better I stop here.