It's Not Easy Being Green/Transcript

''SCENE: Oz. Past. A green cyclone drops a basket besides a yellow-brick road. In the distance, the Emerald City can be seen. A woodcutter and his wife are walking along the road. A baby can be heard wailing.''

Woodcutter’s Wife: Did you hear that?

Woodcutter: Nothing. Stick to the road. (His wife notices the basket.)

Woodcutter’s Wife: Oh, where did it come from?

Woodcutter: The cyclone must have dropped it. Dear, what are you doing?

Woodcutter’s Wife: (She picks it up, revealing a baby girl.) What do you expect me to do? Leave the poor thing to the wolves? She’s beautiful. (A branch is close to breaking overhead. The Woodcutter notices the baby raises a finger, magically changing the branch’s direction; causing no harm as it falls to the ground some yards away. However, his wife remains oblivious.)

Woodcutter: (Nervously.) She did that. She knocked that tree away.

Woodcutter’s Wife: Calm your nerves, dear. It was just the wind. She’s only a babe and she needs our help. Can we keep her?

Woodcutter: That’s not a good idea. Didn’t you see what she did? She’s not like us.

Woodcutter’s Wife: You’re right, she’s not. She’s alone and we’re going to take care of her. Now, stick to the road or we’ll never make it to the Emerald City before dawn.(She starts walking on again.)

Woodcutter: What should we call her?

Woodcutter’s Wife: What about Zelena? She’s going to be the happiest baby in all of Oz.

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke graveyard. Mourners, including Emma, Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Robin Hood, Hook, Henry and Belle attend Neal’s funeral. Neal is laid to rest. Hook takes up a shovel and scoops soil to bury Neal’s coffin. ''

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Zelena’s house. A grieving Mr. Gold doubles over in pain.''

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke graveyard. Regina, David and Belle follow Hook’s example. Then Emma encourages Henry to scoop soil on his father’s coffin. Lastly, Emma herself takes up a shovel.''

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Zelena’s house. Zelena walks up to Mr. Gold’s cage.''

Zelena: You’ve spent so long figuring out how to get to this land, groomed Regina to cast your curse, spent twenty-eight years waiting for it to be broken, all that you can be with your son. Now, he’s gone. Tell me, Rumple, was he really worth all that trouble?

Mr. Gold: Every bit of it. He was family. Something you know nothing about.

''SCENE: OZ. Past. Zelena, now a young adult, is helping her father to shave.''

Zelena: How’s that, father? (She hands him a mirror.)

Woodcutter: You’ve missed a spot. (Zelena resumes shaving her father.) No matter, how you feel on the inside, Zelena, remember to always put on a good face.

Zelena: I know, father. (Accidentally, she cuts him.)

Woodcutter: Careless child. (Using magic, Zelena makes a clean cloth appear in order to attend to the cut. Her father is terrified.) Don’t touch me!

Zelena: I’m sorry. I can’t help it.

Woodcutter: You mean you can’t control it.

Zelena: Maybe if you’d let me learn how to--

Woodcutter: Then everyone would see what you really are. Wicked.

Zelena: How can you say that to your own daughter?

Woodcutter: Because you’re not my daughter! There, I’ve said it. After all these years your mother’s gone now I can finally tell you the truth.

Zelena: What’s it you’re talking about?

Woodcutter: You’re not our child, Zelena. We’ve found you in the woods. In a basket. Dropped out of a tornado. Your mother wanted to take you in, she was lulled by your beauty. But under the surface there was something else: Your wickedness.

Zelena: (Crying) I’d rather be wicked than a sad old drunk.

Woodcutter: What do you think drove me to drink, child? Wipe away those tears and put on a good face! Make me breakfast.

Zelena: I think not. If I really caused you this much trouble I’ll spare you any more.

Woodcutter: Where do you think you’re going?

Zelena: To see the one person who can help me find a family who wants me! The Wizard of Oz.

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny's Diner. Emma is throwing darts, one bull's eye after the next. Hook approaches her.''

Hook: Perhaps I should paint a bull’s eye on the Wicked Witch's back.

Emma: She’ll get more than a dart when I find her.

Hook: I know you’re hurting, Swan, but there are better ways to grieve Baelfire’s death than letting anger overcome you.

Emma: Let me guess-- Rum?

Hook: (Drawing a flask from his jacket.) Never hurts.

Emma: I’ll stick with anger. At least, until I’ve dealt with Zelena.

Hook: Take it from me: Vengeance isn’t the thing that’s gonna make you feel better.

Emma: It’ll make this town safer. (Glancing at Henry, who is sitting in a booth.) Besides, I promised Henry I’d find the person responsible for his father’s death. It’s really all I can do for him right now.

Hook: That can’t be true. Have you tried talking to the boy?

Emma: As far as he is concerned, I haven’t seen Neal since he left me in jail. So anything I’d tell him about his dad being a hero sounds like I’m making that up just to get him to feel better.

Hook: Perhaps I can talk to him.

Emma: About what? Leather conditioner and eyeliner?

Hook: I knew Bae as a boy. Perhaps Henry’d like to hear what his father was like when he was his age.

Emma: You’d really do that?

Hook: Aye. Could help the boy make peace with his father’s passing. And me.

Emma: Be careful. Zelena’s still out there.

Hook: I assure you, nothing will happen to the boy while he’s in my charge. (They both walk over to Henry.)

Emma: Henry, do you remember Killian?

Hook: Hello, Henry.

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Elsewhere in Granny’s Diner. From a distance, Regina watches Robin Hood ordering drinks. Tinker Bell enters the diner. As Tinker Bell walks past Robin, she notices the lion tattoo on his arm.''

Tinker Bell: It’s the lion tattoo. It’s what was prophesied. He’s your soul mate.

Regina: (Whispering.) I know. I saw it yesterday.

Tinker Bell: And you didn’t tell me?

Regina: Well, right now I have better things to do than gossip about boys! (Balancing three glasses, Robin Hood joins them.)

Robin: Care for a drink? (Tinker Bell takes one. Robin Hood turns to address Regina.) I do hope I didn’t upset you yesterday.

Regina: (Introducing Tinker Bell to him.) Robin Hood, Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell, Robin Hood.

Tinker Bell: (Shaking his hand) I’ve been wanting to meet you for a very long time.

Regina: And no, you didn’t upset me. I just found a clue trail that needed to be followed. One that didn’t lead anywhere. (Gestures towards the offered glass, then stops herself.) I don’t daytime drink.

Robin: Ah well, perhaps in the evening then. (He nods and takes his leave.)

Tinker Bell: What was all that about? Didn’t you learn anything from the last time you screwed this up? If you had been open to the possibility of love when you first saw him, maybe your life wouldn’t have turned out so (Tinker Bell stops herself mid-sentence.)

Regina: So what? How did my life turn out?

Tinker Bell: Why am I even bothering? (She walks away.)

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Elsewhere Granny’s Diner. Emma joins Mary Margaret and David.''

David: How are you holding up?

Emma: How do you think?

Mary Margaret: (Hugs her.) Oh, Emma. (Zelena enters, holding the Dark One's Dagger in one hand.)

Zelena: My condolences. So sorry I’ve missed the funeral, but I could never pass up to wake. Oh, did I miss the speeches? Shall I make one? I mean, I am, after all, responsible. (Emma leaps forward. Mary Margaret seizes her daughter’s arm.)

Mary Margaret: Emma, no. Too many people will get hurt.

Zelena: Listen to your mother. Anyone who tries to interfere with my plan is gonna have to deal with the Dark One!

David: (Shields a pregnant Mary Margaret.) Don’t come any closer.

Zelena: Don’t worry. I’m not here for your baby. Not today, anyway.

Regina: Then why are you here?

Zelena: Now, that my cover's blown, I can finally pay a visit to my little sister.

Regina: Who the hell are you talking about?

Zelena: Why you, of course, Regina.

Emma: What?

Regina: I’m an only child.

Zelena: Cora lied to you, Regina. I’m your sister. Half, if you to get technical.

Regina: Why should I believe anything you say?

Zelena: Oh, you shouldn’t. It’s a lot to swallow. This is why I brought a gift to help.

Regina: I don’t want a gift from you.

Zelena: But you shall have it. See, my gift to you is that sad, sad day. Use it to dig into our past, Regina. You need to learn the truth and you must believe it. And then, meet me on Main Street tonight. Say, sundown.

Regina: And then what?

Zelena: Then I’ll destroy you.

Regina: This isn’t the Wild West.

Zelena: No, dear. It’s the Wicked West. (Turning around to face the assembled guests.)  And I want everyone to be there. To see the Evil Queen lose.

Regina: I don’t lose.

Zelena: Neither do I. One of us is about to make history. See you tonight, sis.

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Storybrooke docks. Hook and Henry enter over to a boat.''

Hook: Here. Now that’ll do.

Henry: Another boat?

Hook: You don’t like the sea?

Henry: No, it’s not that. It’s just my mom always seems to put me off to friends that have boats when she’s working on a case.

Hook: Your mother didn’t put you off to me. I wanted to bring you here.

Henry: Why?

Hook: You might not believe this, but your father and I were mates long before he met your mother.

Henry: Really? You knew my dad? What was he like?

Hook: Hop on board and you’ll find out.

''SCENE: Storybrooke. Present day. Granny’s Diner. David, Emma, Mary Margaret, Regina, and Tinker Bell attempt to make sense of Zelena's threat.''

David: And you’re sure Cora never said anything about her?

Regina: I think I would remember if my mother told me she had a love child with a scarecrow.

Emma: It doesn’t matter if Zelena is your sister or not. She wants you dead. Any idea why?

Regina: I’ve never even met her before today.

Emma: Doesn’t mean you did something to piss her off.

Tinker Bell: You did manage to step a lot on people’s toes back in our world.

Regina: Well, none of them were green.

Granny: There’s that missing year. Maybe you did something to her then.

Regina: Stick to the lasagna, lady. It’s starting to sound an awful lot like you’re on her side. (She begins leaving.)

Emma: Where are you going?

Regina: To find out exactly what this witch thinks I did to her.

''SCENE: OZ. Past. Emerald City. Two guards allow Zelena to enter the Wizard’s audience room. At the far end of the room a curtain can be seen. Flames shoot up from the ground preventing Zelena to step any closer.''

The Wizard: I’ve been expecting you. (The shadow of a man appears on the curtain)

Zelena: How did you know I was coming?

The Wizard: I see all. I am Oz. The Great and Terrible. You’ve come because you wish to find your family.

Zelena: Can you help me?

The Wizard: I will show you what you seek to know. But I warn you: It won’t be easy for you.

(Zelena takes a step backwards and watches scenes from her past unfold before her on the floor. A woman placing a basket in the woods can be seen.)

Zelena: Is that my mother?

The Wizard: Her name was Cora. She gave birth to you in another land. A cyclone stuck and carried you to this world.

Zelena: Why did she abandon me?

The Wizard: You couldn’t give her the one thing she truly wanted. The ability to become royalty.

(The picture changes revealing Regina)

Zelena: Who’s that?

The Wizard: Your sister. Regina.

Zelena: Wait. I’ve got a sister?

The Wizard: Your sister could do what your mother wished. Regina became queen.

(The scene changes again. Now, Rumpelstiltskin can be seen. He’s preparing a lesson for Regina.)

Zelena: Who’s that man?

The Wizard: That is Rumpelstiltskin. A very powerful wizard. The most powerful of all the realms. (The picture changes once more. Now, Regina practices wielding magic. Regina fails to master the given task.) Like you, Regina has the gift of magic. But she has been unable to develop it.

Zelena: Magic is a gift?

The Wizard: Yes. And he’s trying to teach her that.

Zelena: He should be teaching me. Not her. I need to meet this wizard. I’ll pay whatever you desire. Just, please, tell me how to get there.

The Wizard: Look down. (Zelena wears silver slippers.) When you click your heels together three times those slippers will take you wherever you desire.

Zelena: What do you want in return?

The Wizard: I simply ask that you bring me something of Rumpelstiltskin’s. Be careful: It is one thing to wonder about your past but another to become envious of things you cannot have.

(Zelena clicks her heels together three times and green smoke covers her.)