User:Nightlily/Silence Enables Injustice: A report on how I for two years was bullied and harassed by two of this wiki's former staff members

This was originally published on my user page on October 7, 2018 and has since been revised and expanded multiple times.

Silence Enables Injustice: A report on how I for two years was bullied and harassed by two of this wiki's former staff members
'Warning: The things I'm about to tell you is not funny, on-message Lily talking. This is a story about serious stuff – about how I, over a long period of time on this wiki (nearly two years), was regularly and routinously subjected to harassment, bullying and threats by two of our former staff members, Killian Jones and Lady Junky. These are things no person should ever have to endure – but I was forced to do so, nevertheless. Three times, I exposed the harassment, here, on this wiki. The first two times, I was punished for it, shouted down and humiliated. Eventually, I was able to bring the perpetrators to justice – but it took an awfully long time. Am I making you feel uncomfortable? I hope so, because it should.'

''Note that after the perpetrator for most of the injustice was finally exposed and demoted, he tried to hide some of his dirty little secrets by changing his user name and erasing his entire wall and user page by using a script, thereby destroying some of my documentation. I contacted Fandom and asked them if the wall could be recovered, but they said it was impossible. Fortunately, I was one step ahead of the perpetrator and had made back-up copies at the Internet Wayback Machine a few months earlier; these are linked to in some of my posts.''

Preface: "We'll see how many agree to demote you and how many disagree". –Killian Jones
"Silence enables injustice, but that silence stops today."

One of the most important rules on this wiki is that ''All users, regardless of status, are required to show the utmost respect to others at all times. No slander, harassment or insults will be tolerated at any time.''

On October 20, 2016, a few weeks after he was elected bureaucrat, the former staff member known as Killian Jones abused his position as a bureaucrat by threatening me in our chat room and trying to force me to resign as an administrator by saying that if I wasn't willing to resign voluntarily, he would put it to a community vote. His motif? He was pissed off that I (and the other admins) wouldn't promote a friend of his to content moderator. That got him started. Why couldn't I promote his friend, content moderators have no real power? How was I so much better than his friend? How did I deserve to be an admin any more than his friend did?

Of course, he couldn't use that as an excuse, so officially, his motif was that I didn't know how to make categories (how could I? I had never needed to make them before, until then, so how the heck was I supposed to know something I had never done before in my life???), which suddenly meant that I knew too little. He never even offered to teach me what I didn't know (teaching someone how to make categories is a quick and simple task – I know this because after the incident, I asked Utter solitude to teach me how to make them and she did it in five minutes), like any leader should; he just decided that an administrator had to know everything and if you didn't, you should be demoted. It should also be noted that the week after the threats, he was teaching AppleGirl how to make tables... That's right, he would teach her, but not me.

Here are screenshots of the threats. They are 100% real; they are not fake; I have the entire conversation saved on my computer as an HTML document (including the part where he gets mad because I didn't want to promote his friend) and my Imgur account serves as my vessel of truth....

Screenshot one:

http://i.imgur.com/gsBEaAo.png

Screenshot two (a tiny part of one of my sentences is cropped off, but you can see it by right-clicking on the image and opening it in a separate tab) (note that the "30 something people" I'm referring to here, refers to the total number of users who answered a survey he created):

http://i.imgur.com/HZNVU1w.png

Part One: "If he has problems because of you that's me who will have a problem with u are we okay?" –Lady Junky
Sadly, the blackmail I just shared with you is just the tip of the iceberg. To get the whole picture, we have to go back to the beginning.

But before we go back to the beginning, I am going to speak my mind, brutally honest and uncensored:

"In my life, I have met people who are more vicious than Killian Jones, but I have never met a vicious person who are so full of themselves, so arrogant, with such a huge ego, and so determined to act as if they are superior to others and others are inferior to them. Yes, I would even use the words "superior" and "inferior". What else do you call it when someone demands that you treat them differently than others by denying you the right to misunderstand them and the right to drop to conclusions about them, and telling you that you are not allowed to do normal things like to ask them to "leave it at that" or to tell them to stop doing something (yes, you heard me correctly)..."

It all began with a trivial thing. Before I became an admin, there was a minor incident where Killian (who wasn't a bureaucrat yet, just a regular admin), did something that I felt was out of bounds and abuse of his power. For those who wonder what this was about: It was about whether Dorothy Gale and Walsh were from a fictional world called Kansas, or from our world. This was long before Adam Horowitz stated on Twitter that this was indeed a fictional Kansas; all we had back then, were pieces of dialogue. There was one piece of dialogue from "The Doctor", which suggested that Kansas was in our world:

Rumplestiltskin : What about the slippers? Jefferson : Oh. Couldn't find 'em. Heard talk they'd already been moved to another land. Rumplestiltskin : That's what I needed to get to that other land.

Then, there was a different piece of dialogue from "Kansas", which may have suggested that Kansas may be its own realm:

Zelena : What world are you from? Dorothy : W… World? You mean this isn't Kansas?

Killian felt that the dialogue from the episode "Kansas" was enough, whereas I felt that the users might feel differently. His response? It didn't matter what the users said.

I found that attitude unacceptable and reported it to the only bureaucrat at that time, Utter solitude. Let me just stress that Killian wasn't in any danger of being demoted or getting in serious trouble for it; at the very worst, he would have been given a mild warning, which, if I remember correctly, is exactly what happened. Sadly, a fourth party, a user known as Lady Junky, learned what had happened and she was not happy. She was Killian's number one fan, she said. Now she was furious that I had grassed on her favorite. If Killian got into trouble because of this, it would be my fault, she said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing (well, reading). This was schoolyard mentality; Lady was a grown-up, not a child; she should have outgrown that kind of behavior years ago (sorry, but that is the harsh and brutal truth); she was way too old for this. When someone does something wrong, it is the perpetrators own fault if they get into trouble; blaming the person who reported them is what a child would do; an adult should know better. First I wondered if she was drunk... But she said she wasn't. I was subjected to a horrible chat session where I was bombarded with taunts, accusations and verbal abuse, including the following comments (yes, I still have the session stored on my computer as an HTML document, so I can prove it; I did consider transcribing the comments instead of showing them, but the chat uses emoticons and transcribing the comments does not properly show how vicious they are) (the screencaps are separated by dots):

http://i.imgur.com/vnjH1vx.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Note that the "Tails" that Lady mentions here is Evertheillain; he was known as Tails Make the Fox before he changed his username.

http://i.imgur.com/37K5YZH.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• http://i.imgur.com/1WT5ohc.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said

http://i.imgur.com/fXWZVLf.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• http://i.imgur.com/Xmwz1n4.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• http://i.imgur.com/9osAzI6.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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http://i.imgur.com/YFRDkHG.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said http://i.imgur.com/xPDEcAi.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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http://i.imgur.com/dTp2ICQ.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said http://i.imgur.com/mEk2NVD.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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http://i.imgur.com/Z7NDn7n.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/XNIBW2G.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said http://i.imgur.com/QBVKi2t.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said http://i.imgur.com/B4vfMH7.png ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Note: You're going to have to open this one in a separate window to see everything that was said http://i.imgur.com/g4Ut98I.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/sGKxkGD.png

''Note: In this screenshot (again, you're going to have to open it in a separate window to see everything that was said), she follows up on comments she made about how she felt that I was sometimes too strict on users (I was an image moderator back then and my job, among other things, was to enforce the image policies) and I admit that I may have been too strict sometimes. However, she is only interested in making fun of me: ''

http://i.imgur.com/nUrpjSV.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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http://i.imgur.com/6uj376A.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/GZsRsLb.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/XpXUY0n.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/0TcMnEQ.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Note that Ruben's comment here is about something Wiki-related that is completely unrelated to this . http://i.imgur.com/qlMiWF6.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/s4HjpYM.png

''Finally, she resorted to threats. Lady knew that I like adding trivia and went straight for the jugular by threatening to remove my trivia sources and make my trivia useless: ”I can remove the sources which makes the trivia useless”, she wrote.''

http://i.imgur.com/LN2n9Xy.png

(I later asked the other two admins about the way I reported Killian. AppleGirl said that she, too, would have reported what he did, while Utter solitude said that Killian was a grown man and would not get in trouble for this. This wasn't a schoolyard, she said.)  SHE GOT AWAY WITH EVERYTHING

Had I known what I know today, I would have gone to a different admin and reported this. Verbal abuse and threats are forbidden on this wiki and users who would do something like this to another user, are usually punished with a very public warning on their wall or a block. Sadly, the one I went to for help was Killian Jones. Guess what happened then. Did he punish Lady? Give her a warning? Block her? No. He rejected me and did neither of those things. Lady was his friend and got away with everything. No warning, no block, nothing.

I, on the other hand, was admonished when I got angry with Lady. When someone yells at you, verbally abuses you and threatens you, anyone can say things they would normally never say. In my case, I made a very human mistake; to get the full picture, you need to know the background. Lady claimed that one of my trivia sources was blacklisted by Wikia (now known as Fandom) and now the wiki had problems because of me. The page was an innocent page about old book illustrations, which I used to link to some of John Tenniel's pictures in Jefferson's Mansion in "Hat Trick"; you can see the web page for yourself here. If the website had been blacklisted, a warning should have showed up when I added it and the edit would have been refused by the system/our website. I know this, because this is what happened when I used a different source that was blacklisted; a warning appeared and our website refused to publish the edit. I took a screenshot; you can see it here (it is big and does not fit into the page, so feel free to open it in a separate window to see everything):

http://i.imgur.com/cTWRb5T.png

Yet I received no such warning when I added the page about old book illustrations and the web page was approved by our system/our website. I explained it to Lady, but she did not care. As far as she was concerned, I was to blame, even though I was completely innocent.

I asked Lady for proof that my source had been blacklisted, but initially, she dodged the question and would not provide it. That, coupled with the fact that she had just put me though hell, made me believe that she was making the whole thing up. "Admit it, you made it up", I said. I then accused her of bluffing and making this up, two more times. Let me just stress that this is something I would never do under normal circumstances, but I had just been pushed to extremes. That is, of course, not an excuse, but it is definitely extenuating circumstances.

Eventually, Lady did provide screenshots from a chat with Wikia central, which touched upon the subject but didn’t actually prove anything. Killian witnessed that part of the conversation and rightfully told me to stop accusing her of bluffing. In the end, I was banned from chat for one day. That was well deserved and I would probably have done the same if I were in his shoes.

But you see the problem? He was happy to do his duties as an admin when it came to me, because I wasn't his friend. But Lady, who had just harassed and verbally abused another user, which is far, far worse, went unpunished and got away with everything because she was his friend. That is unforgivable. That is corruption. A leader has to apply the same rules to their friends as they do to everyone else; they can't give their friends special treatment by deliberately letting them get away with breaking the rules. You can see a conversation between him and myself on my wall here, where he touches upon what I did, but when I confront him about letting Lady get away with everything, he dodges the question. Notice that I say "I documented everything that happened, but it was obviously not enough. All I wanted to hear was something like "it is not acceptable to threaten to remove another user's sources, just because you're mad." See? That's all I wanted to hear. I do not want people to destroy my work without good reason. Surely, you can understand that?"And all he answers is: "Yes, I can definitely understand that". As if that makes everything okay. What he should have answered was that he would do the right thing and punish Lady for harassment; but of course, he wasn't going to answer that, since he wasn't going to punish his friend.

"That was the first, but sadly not the last, time that I experienced the problem the hard way: When it came to the wiki, Killian was loyal to people, not to principles. Abstractions like trustworthiness, responsibility and treating every user equally didn't mean much to him. He was fiercely loyal to his friends. He could punish them (or threaten to punish them) if they insulted him personally or did something he personally doesn't like (I've seen that happen), but other than that, he would protect his favorites to the end and would stop at nothing to do so, even if they were cruel to people."

The next day, the block was over, but when he discovered that I was still mad with her, he rubbed salt in the wound by giving both of us a cold warning, saying that if we argued again, he would suggest a demotion for the one who initiated it (Lady was a rollback and chat moderator back then, while I was an image moderator; like I said, he could threaten to punish his friends if they did something that he personally didn't like). That's right, the victim of harassment and bullying was threatened with demotion, even though 90% of my side of the "argument" was me defending myself against said harassment and bullying. But he didn't care.

The next few weeks, he would watch us like a hawk, ready to shoot down anything he perceived as arguing. Once, he entered the chatroom in the middle of of a wiki-related discussion between me and Lady. Mistaking the discussion for an argument, he was like, "Well, well, well, what's going on here?". This kind of behavior is highly inappropriate. An admin's job is to enforce the rules (and arguing is not against the rules), not to raise their fellow users or act like a helicopter parent!

Part Two: "Ooooh, so no, the rule is not supposed to be taken litterally oooooh" –Lady Junky
Me and Lady buried the hatchet, although she refused to apologize; instead, she expected me to apologize to her for accusing her of lying. I said that I was happy to do so, if she did the same. She refused. Anyway: I wish that I could say that things went smoothly from then on, but they didn't…

I had been an image moderator for several months (this was before I became an admin) and therefore I often renamed pictures to make them easier to keep track of and arrange in a chronological order. Sometimes, I also performed tiny adjustments to image names to make them look better. There was an episode where Killian and Lady ganged up on me in chat and kept telling me, in a condescending way, that the minor adjustments were fluff edits (it isn't, just read our definition of fluff edits in the rules). Not exactly harassment, but they were making fun of me. I told them to stop, to leave me alone; they refused. They didn't stop until Utter solitude interfered and told them that this wasn’t fluff editing; she (Utter) had even done this herself several times.

Then, less than a month after the harassment, Lady came after me again. She didn’t like how I had renamed several of her pictures and instead of taking it up with me in a polite way, she was nasty. She claimed that the uploaders owned the pictures and had the right to ask for their deletion (not true; only ABC has the right to ask us to delete pictures; the uploader has no such right). She made fun of me and taunted me, saying that I was doing it to boost my edit counter, stole other people's pictures, was "blind on myself", was pretending that I had "a perfect attitude " while actually "disrespecting a lot of people's work :-)" (yeah, with a smiley), was "abusing my power :-)" (yes, with a smiley), did what I wanted and then "called Utter for help", wanted "to steal the pics by renaming them and give the impression they were all there thanks to me so I was the only in charge" etc. She talked about one of our rules (the one about image names, where users are asked to use a name which describes what's in the photo) and I reminded her that the rule wasn't meant to be taken literally. She continued to taunt me: "ooooh, so no, the rule is not supposed to be taken literally oooooh". She also said it was disrespectful and she wouldn't be friends with someone "who does things and who does not appreciate these things when it is someone else" and "you don't give a s*** about the others and their work; good for you and your definition of wiki and community".

(A few months later, I had a conversation with her about this episode, and the one where she harassed me for grassing on Killian. She showed no remorse whatsoever; according to her, this wasn't bullying, it was stating her opinion. Ironically, she was reproachful that I never apologized for accusing her of lying. She also said that I had made a mistake in reporting Killian and accused me of refusing to admit it...) To his credit, Killian did ask Lady not to bother me about this again, although he didn’t do it to punish her, but rather because he felt that she had no business with image names. It should, however, be noted that when I wanted to discuss the situation further, he coldly said (yes, I have that conversation on my computer):

"Lily… I am f***ing done with your personal problem with Lady".

So much for empathy… When I correctly pointed out (about the first round of harassment a few weeks earlier) that Lady became furious and overreacted, he claimed that no, I  was the one who had overreacted (  "no, you became furious and overreacted"  , is what he said; and yes, I have that conversation stored as well). I also correctly stated that Lady was the one who started the argument in the first place, but he said that  I wasn't allowed to blame Lady. As you can see, he was determined to take Lady's side and defend her, no matter what. He didn't care that she had threatened and been directly cruel to a fellow user; she was his friend, so none of that mattered to him. (Eventually, he offered to talk to Lady about the threat from earlier (but not the rest of the harassment in that conversation); but I asked him not to do it. I knew that no good would come of it; Lady would most likely take her anger out on me again, and I knew that all he would do was talk to her; he wasn't going to punish her.)

Lesson learned. I went to another admin and I gave them the full transcript of the chat session where Lady taunted me about the picture renaming. This, coupled with the fact that other users had reported similar issues, lead to Lady being punished with a very public warning on her wall and being told that she would lose her privileges if this happened again. Lady was told that she was overly aggressive, practically bulling others. She was insulting, pushy and abused her powers. "It is not appropriate to bully others, or to try to coerce others to join in your opinions", she was told.

The saddest part about all this, though, is that one of the other users who reported her, never got peace. For those of you who have been on this wiki for a few years: Do you remember Everthevillain? Well, he was also a victim, and the reason why he left the wiki is because of the way she (and some other users) were treating him (I know this because he told me so; we still kept in touch for a while after he left). There was an incident on chat where he told his fellow users (this was at the start of Season Six) that he was hoping that the new Jafar actor was episodic and we would get the old one back. Lady taunted him by saying "we should ban you for stupidity :P" The worst part: Killian witnessed it and did nothing to help him. Instead, he had the nerve to joke about it. "How dare you say the S word", he said to Lady (yeah, I was there and witnessed it all and yeah, I have solid proof). A few weeks later, Everthevillain finally had enough and he left the wiki for good. All my attempts at persuading him to return failed. See? This is what happens when someone is subjected to online harassment. Am I making you uncomfortable? Good, because it should.

I should also mention that in the same conversation, Lady insulted another user (who, thankfully, wasn't on chat) that she had been talking to on her wall, by calling them stupid and an idiot. Responding to how I had defended said person, she said (the first three words are sarcastic), "Let's not learn to criticize others staff members when they do all the job and when an idiot is annoying them", she said.

I told her, "Lady, you do not call people idiots." She replied, "x I do". I continued, "That is completely unacceptable. At least when you are talking about your fellow users." She didn't care. "I don't care :-)", she said. "I had to update the whole wiki alone with these news update pages checks sources check everything and one silly people accused me of not taking time to answer me while I had literally to answer everyone at the same time and lily defend that person :-)". She also accused me of "preferring to defend silly people while others did the whole job".

Once again, Killian saw it all – and did nothing. And once again, he had fun joking about it instead: "Ever (meaning Everthevillain) save me from these people", he said... I can assure you that if I had spoken like this to Lady, I would have been kicked out of chat and punished. But if she was the one handing out the insults, he had no problems with standing by and watch and do nothing.

Part Three: Laughing at me
Lol and XD. Short for "laughing out loud" and very useful for the right situations (I use them a lot!), but highly inappropriate in non-humorous situations - and still the words of choice for Killian Jones.

I asked Killian on his wall why he had deleted some trivia that I added – and was made fun of. "Lol, that list was extremely long. Nobody would care to read all that", (to Utter) "That was a massive amount of trivia... and it was all talking about the exact same thing, putting so many examples my brain would melt before I read them all. (…) Can you honestly say you'd read all of that? xD (…) I'm truly curious as to whether somebody could really want to read the entire list LOL".

To his credit, he apologized for taunting me. The apology was accepted at the time, but now I officially rescind it. A similar incident happened when I asked him about a Twitter picture that he uploaded. I told him, "So unless you find the source (for some info), we have to remove the image." His reply? ""We have to remove the image"? lol" Fast forward in time to after I became an admin and I told him in a chat session about how "one of the most important duties of an admin is to treat each individual user with respect, and empathy." His snide reply: "You won't be the judge of what is important in an admin lol" (yeah, I have that conversation stored as well).

And the worst instance? I once tried to talk to him on chat about his sh**y treatment of me – and the man responded by laughing at me. Yes, you heard (well, read) me correctly; he laughed at me like I was some kind of moron. I was like, "I tell you about the bad way you treat me and now you are going to laugh at me?" He didn't care.

Part Four: "A damsel in distress"
A couple of weeks after the warning, I called Lady out on the harassment in a discussion on my wall ("The last time you were complaining about image names, you were being extremely rude, pushy and aggressive. That was completely unacceptable."). Needless to say, Killian didn't like that I exposed his friend's dirty little secrets to the public and was determined to shoot it down, loudly and aggressively (note that I later removed the offensive comments from my wall, but I can still link to them, which is what I've done here).

It is never acceptable, under no circumstances whatsoever, to ask a victim of something as serious as harassment and bullying to keep quiet about what happened to them, but that is what he did. "There is no need to bring it up in a perfectly fine thread, especially when she has already been warned by an administrator, and Lady has in no way repeated this behavior in the thread for you to jump at her again. Especially, I insist, when you yourself have insulted her repeatedly.", he said; apparently, a victim of harassment is not allowed to talk about what the harasser did to them… And I hadn't "insulted her repeatedly" (here he was, making it sound like I had treated her the same way she had treated me), I had accused her of bluffing only because 1) she initially refused to provide documentation, which usually suggests that a person has something to hide, and 2) I had just been pushed to extremes; when you have been yelled at, abused, taunted and harassed for hours, it can make anyone say things they normally wouldn't say (I am not saying it is an excuse, but it is an explanation and extenuating circumstances).

I was speechless and replied, "I am not going into a discussion about what I should and should not bring up about other people's behavior toward me. Let's just leave it at that." But I was not allowed to say "let's just leave it at that" to him, even though there is nothing inappropriate or offensive about these words (they do not mean "shut up", they are simply used to convey that people don't want to talk about a particular subject). He said, "I am telling you to stop bringing this drama up. You will not be the judge of how much drama you can keep bringing up, and you will not tell me to just leave it at that."

Yeah, you read that correctly; I wasn't allowed to use normal English and I wasn't allowed to have a say in things. I pointed out that there was nothing wrong with saying "let's leave it at that" to an admin and was is a common way of speaking and is not disrespectful. His reply? "Never said it was disrespectful, but if I am telling you something it's not for you to just leave it at that. End of story." Wow. "Not for me to leave it at that"? Seriously???

As you recall, I accused her of bluffing and making things up (in a previous conversation that had NOTHING to do with this) and he used that for all it was worth. As far as he was concerned, that meant that I had no right to point an accusing finger at her. The fact that my accusations happened because I was exhausted from yelled at, insulted, taunted and verbally abused meant nothing to him. Nor did he care that harassment and bullying are misdeeds on a completely different level than accusing the harasser of bluffing because you are exhausted from being made fun of, taunted and harassed. "Please stop trying to make it look like Lady's a villain and you're a damsel in distress", he said. A sexist, and completely unacceptable comment!

Trust me when I say this: We live in the twenty-first century and modern women do not like being compared a woman from the stories who is in trouble and can't take care of herself and needs a man's help. I later asked Utter solitude about all the things he said and she replied that she didn't see his comments. If she had, she would have admonished him. This kind of behavior is not allowed on this wiki, not even for an admin.

He continued to cover up what his friend had done: "I am not saying Lady is innocent, cause I am the first one to tell her she is sometimes being rude", he said. Excuse me? " Rude"??? She wasn't "being rude", she harassed and bullied several users, including me. But that didn’t matter to him. He also admonished me for "bringing back my grudge" (as if a victim of bullying and harassment is not allowed to confront their tormentor...) and for referring to what she threatened to do, as vandalism ("you have insulted lady both in a personal and a wikia level, calling her a liar and a vandal" and "I would never agree to using the word vandal to describe any non-vandal contributor of this wiki"); as if sabotaging another someone’s work (that is what she threatened to do) isn't vandalism…

'''As you can see: This time, I experienced in an even more unpleasant way how Killian would always choose his friends first. If someone rightfully accuses his friends of mistreating them or being a bully, he will defend his friends to the death, no matter what they've done. His tactics are downplaying what his friend did, covering up their crimes, shouting the accuser down and bring back past sins, embarrass the accuser as much as possible and undermine their credibility – all of which to help his friends.'''

Part Five: "You're a image policy breaker :-O" -Lady Junky
As many of the users know, I love uploading pictures. At that time, I would use a proxy to get access to British Netflix in order to upload pictures from the latest episode of Once Upon a Time, and to get access to Netflix Argentina in order to upload images from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (sadly, iTunes does not offer television shows in my country and there is no way to get around it, so proxy was the only way for me to get pictures from episodes that hadn’t been released on Blu-ray).

After the picture renaming thing, Lady tried to convince the admins that using Netflix this way is illegal. It isn't; the word illegal refers to laws (not rules) and there are no laws in this world against using proxies. In chat, she accused me of breaking the rules (yes, I have the conversation on my computer):

Lady: "you're funny lily, you're asking the source of people for their oautiw pics but you never gave us your source xd" / Me: "I use the same source as Utter. And I'm tired of this debate. It’s been settled, once and for all." / Lady: "easy. What is utter's source :-)" / Me: "Netflix Argentina. And it is not against our rules. " / Lady: "it is actually. I asked Netflix :-)" / Me: "No, it is not against this wiki's rules. And Utter says it's okay. As does Killian. I do not want to discuss this, so if you want to complain, go talk to Utter.” / Lady: "it is. You’re a image policy breaker :-O"

This continued. "the pics are (illegal) xd", she said. I said, "Actually it is not even illegal, because illegal refers to the laws of a country." She didn't care: "it is illegal", she said.

This went on and on. I asked Killian for help since he was in chat and said "I am so tired of being accused of violating our policies, when I haven't done anything that is against our rules. If this continues, I will stop coming to chat." Did he ask her nicely to bring the discussion to my wall instead? Tell her to stop? No, because she was his friend. He only replied, "that would be a pity Lily".

(The Netflix issue was finally put to rest when Utter chimed in on my wall, saying "I actually live in the US, where Netflix is based, and where the laws that affect Netflix are. Netflix does not create laws. Something may be something they don't like, but it doesn’t make it illegal. Using a proxy is not illegal in the US. One user having an issue doesn’t mean we need to stop doing something. Thus, and this is the end of the discussion, images gained from Netflix will continue to be acceptable on this Wikia. Any questions can be directed to me personally.")

Here are the screencaps of the conversation where Lady kept throwing accusations and emoticons at me, and where Killian refuses to stop her (you're going to have to open two of them in a separate window to see everything):

http://i.imgur.com/p3HGL2d.png •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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http://i.imgur.com/JOi9sOR.png

The whole Netflix thing was an attempt to hurt me, to get back at me for renaming images. She even contacted Netflix to get her way. They told her it was against their rules, but didn't tell her that it was illegal (because it isn't), but she still used it for all it was worth (a transcription from my wall follows after the screenshots; you can also read it in the comment from Utter linked to above). Lady later deleted the screenshots of her conversation with Netflix, but she showed them to us in the discussion on my wall and I still have them. Here they are (they are very big, though, so you’re going to have to open them in separate windows to read them):

http://i.imgur.com/x0g4Qeg.jpg

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http://i.imgur.com/CyBcaWe.jpg •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://i.imgur.com/R0gQL9C.jpg

So, yeah... When she realized that arguing on chat wasn't going to convince anyone to ban my images, she went to my wall instead (all the original comments are linked to):

ABOUT BULLYING

There is a misconception that bullying is overt. Most people's perception of bullying is that the actions of the bully are overt and easily identifiable, consisting of the aggressive types of behavior many of us have either experienced or witnessed in the school playground. However, it's often subtle, slow, and insidious mistreatment that passes over the radar screen.

The Netflix accusations were the beginning of a long period, several months (it also flared up again for several weeks one year later, after she was demoted), with on-and-off, online bullying, in the periods where she was mad at me for something (like the image renaming or when she was demoted from her position as admin). The bullying was subtle; other readers probably didn't notice it. It was subtle forms that may not easily be detected but still cause emotional damage. It consisted of constant criticism, subtle ridicule and needlessly harsh comments. A pattern of actions over periods of time, subtle and not easily noticed, but bullying nevertheless.

For example: I could say to Killian that making major changes to articles was not allowed without a proper discussion first and she would go, "if I do it you're gonna call Utter for help? ". I could ask Utter solitude on chat about why she (Utter) had deleted some trivia and Lady would snidely said that I thought all of my trivia was funny. If I made a joke or innocent comment in chat, Lady would criticize it. For example, I could say something like "it's a redressed set; didn't the show creators think I would notice", and she would snidely remark, "I doubt the show creators care whether you notice or not." I could mention something casually in the comment field and be told that it had "zero point" (she got a warning for that one). I could say that "I was trying to show that fairies and pixies are two different species in both folklore and the show” (that one was in the comment field for the List of Creatures, by the way) and she would go "You were just showing that pixies and fairies are different species in folklore and popular culture ^^". I could suggest combining the List of Plants with mushrooms, saying that (she commented on how plants and mushrooms were different) this was a wiki about a TV show, not Discovery Channel. She would go, " So, because we're a wiki about a TV show, it is not necessary for us to respect this kind of rules? Interesting point of view." There were even periods where she would shut up whenever she agreed with images or quotes that I suggested, but would constantly vote no when she didn't like them.

It wasn't constant; there were also peaceful periods where I was treated with respect. But the periods with cyberbullying were horrible; it even reached a point where I was nervous every time I made a comment or edited, in case she found something wrong with it and decided to say something about it. Can you imagine what that feels like?!? Yeah, just like you are probably thinking right now: It is torture. A living hell.

Part Six: "You don't just tell someone to "Stop" like that" –Killian Jones
Killian would often boss me around and be controlling. One of his ways of doing that was to be angry with me if I misunderstood him. I once thought he was making a snide comment (he wasn’t) and I told him, ”Stop. No snide comments". He threatened to kick me from chat; apparently, "stop" is a very ugly word… He said, "ok, you're asking to be kicked nobody made any snide comments and you don't just tell someone to "Stop." like that, it's condescending". I said that I thought he was being sarcastic and that what he said sounded snide to me. His reply? "you're being paranoid” and “please get down of that high horse now, you're not gonna go around telling me or anybody else to "stop."” He continued, ""Stop. No snide comments." like you're forbidding it or something". (Yes, I have the conversation on my computer, in case he decides to call me a liar – again.)

Another example (yes, I can prove this one as well): At one point, I thought he was correcting my language (he had done it before; once, I told him, about an agreement we had, "It's a deal" and he said "I don’t make deals; I'm not giving anything in return") and I told him not to do that. His reaction? Instead of leaving it at ”nobody corrected you", like he should have, he was upset and said "you promised you would stop doing that to me and you keep accusing me of wronging you". Excuse me? Did I call him an ugly name or hit him or something? No, I misunderstood! There was also an incident where I misunderstood him and instead of explaining to me what he meant, he insisted that it was "my fault" that I misunderstood him.

You see the problem? Most people would just shrug it off when someone misunderstands them and explain to the other person what they actually meant. That is what I do and that is what other people do. Most people wouldn't assign blame either if there was a misunderstanding; they would explain and move on. But Killian was always angry and would admonish me if I misunderstood him like that. In other words, he had personal rules which are not normal (I’m sorry, but it is not normal to forbid people misunderstanding you) but which he still expected me to follow, and if I didn’t, he would make a huge deal of it. That, my friend, is not an acceptable way to deal with this kind of situation. That is what we call being controlling. To have personal rules that you expect people to follow as if they’re universal rules and trying to bend people to your will.

If someone misunderstands you, you do not admonish the person and you certainly do not act like it’s an insult. Instead, you do what other people do: you explain and then move on. The worst case was when he was furious when he learned that I, AppleGirl and Utter solitude had dropped to conclusions about him on a chat session in social media. We were waiting for him to chime in during a parallel chat session at the wiki, but even though he was online, he never said anything. An hour went by and in the end, we believed that he was avoiding us on purpose and had given up his chance to speak. When he learned about what had happened, he was so angry that he, in an attempt to humiliate us, made a very public post about what had happened – and highlighted it. Yeah, you heard me correctly. Say no more. I know that if someone had dropped to such conclusions about me, I would have been mildly annoyed, but I certainly wouldn’t view it as something to be mad about. On the contrary, I would mostly have found it amusing. I certainly would not have flown into a fit of rage. I'm better than that.

The controlling behavior didn't just apply to misunderstandings. There was one incident where he tried to persuade me to focus less on replacing images with higher quality versions and spend more time on adding new images. I told him politely that I wasn't going to stop replacing images and that he had to respect that. He was so upset. How could I believe that he didn't respect my choice? How could I accuse him of something like this? Yeah, you heard me correctly – he was angry just because I told him he had to "respect that"... Say no more.

The great irony, of course, is that he didn’t really respect it at all. He later brought up the issue again, on my wall (I later deleted the conversation, although I still have it on my laptop), asking me why I spent so much time replacing images when it would be better to spend more time adding new ones (don't bother looking for it; I removed it a long time ago). This time, I had had enough and called his behavior unprofessional, which lead to another fit of anger. I correctly explained that the word ”unprofessional” is not insulting in any way, but he didn’t care: "Your attitude IS unacceptable. You are not respecting that my priorities are not the same as yours, and you are insulting my work on this wiki because of this. You have to stop doing this." Say no more.

Before I became and admin, there was one episode where I reverted one of his edits (the same edit mentioned in Part Three) and left the an innocent edit summary "I think we should discuss this before getting rid of this list for good". He reacted by taking his anger out on me in chat. How could I say something like that to him? I was so freaked out by this crazy reaction that I was forced to apologize; at that moment, I felt that it was better than being yelled at…

There was another incident all the admins had been missing from the wiki for days and there had been no one to take care of rulebreakers. Me and another user (again, this was before I became and admin) told him how much trouble this had caused and said that they should hire more admins. He got mad (again) and told us that only admins would decide whether the wiki needed more admins or not. Talk about pulling rank…! There was also an incident where a user was giving me trouble (again, this was before I became and admin, so I couldn’t deal with them myself). He was going to deal with it, but when asked him if he had spoken to the user yet, he replied that it wasn't my business whether he had spoken to them (yeah, you heard me correctly and yes, I have proof). To his credit, he apologized for that one when I confronted him about it. But that doesn’t justify any of his behavior.

Then there was an incident where he actively tried to embarrass me in a wall discussion by rubbing it in my face when he thought I had misremembered something. He deleted the offensive part later, but here it is: "This is not the first time you remember a consensus that never happened, the last time being a comment you left which no one answered, which you remembered as a consensus.” And here it is after he removed the offensive part. I explained to him that I hadn’t misremembered but made a poor choice of words (yeah, I speak fluent English, but it is not my mother's tongue and sometimes I slip up): ” Actually, no. I did not misremember anything, I was actually using the text book definition of the word (consensus), which is "majority of opinion"." Blargh! I guess it would have been better to use a different word.

I continued: "But it's no big deal and it is also completely unnecessary to bring up the other incident. Everyone, including you, me and everyone else, remember things incorrectly now and then. It is a normal part of being human.” Still, he didn’t back off and was still determined to rub things in my face: "Lily, you can't conveniently switch between textbook definitions and our policies randomly to suit your every argument. (…) You know how our consensus works, so were you deliberately calling a 4-2 result a consensus, when you know very well that in the context of the wiki anyone would take it as a 5+ agreement?”

Rubbing it in someone's face for acting like a normal human being? Not okay. Rubbing it in again? Even less okay. Period.

Part Seven: "What do you expect? Getting me a warning?" –Lady Junky
Our rules clearly state that if you upload an image, you must put them in every applicable gallery. Before I became an admin, I was an image moderator and one of my jobs was to enforce the image policies. One of these policies is pretty clear: if you upload an image, you must place it into every applicable gallery. Lady hadn't been following that rule for a couple of weeks, even though I had reminded her, repeatedly, that she had to sort the pictures into the galleries. Eventually, I grew tired of the constant rule-breaking, so I took it up with her in a private chat session.

I said, "Lady, you always have an excuse. You are going to watch a movie, or a trailer, or you find me annoying, or you forget. This has to end." Unfortunately, she was more interested in making fun of me than following the rules: "Let's be clear all you care about is about your pics we all got it", she said. I gave her 24 hours to sort it out and reminded her that it had been two weeks. "I expect you to have added every pic by then", I said. Her reply was "Threaten me again and I'll kick you from this chat xd. What do you expect? Getting me a warning?" I told her she was the one breaking the rules, but she insisted that she wasn't breaking any rules. When I stressed that she was, all I got was the chat version of "xd" (you know, that leering face we use on chat). She then continued to taunt me: "We also got it. if you could, you'd like to be the only one who does pics and you only care about that, but hey, people have others priorities". I told her that I was doing my job and she obstructing it. Her reply? "Stop complaining about it and acting like it was the case". I said I had to do that, since it was my job, to which she snidely responded, "That's not a job. You're not getting paid for it."

I was speechless. Making matter worse was that Killian had known about her breaking the image rules from the first time I mentioned it, but he chose to let her get away with it (if I remember correctly, he told me that he didn’t want to enforce that rule because if people were expected to sort the images into galleries, they might not want to submit images any more). He was even present in chat the first time I told her that when you upload pics, she needed to add them to every gallery where they belonged. Her reply: "I don't need to. I could x)". An admin's duty is to enforce the rules and Killian was on chat and saw everything, but once again he let Lady get away with breaking the rules. How do I know he saw everything? Simple. He commented on the conversation, saying "I'm closing my eyes" (yes, I have the conversation on my computer).

In the end, since Killian wouldn't do his job, I had to go to someone else for help (again). I reported Lady to another admin, who did what Killian refused to do. She told Lady to follow the rules and add the pictures to the galleries, and even updated the rules accordingly, saying that others shouldn’t have to do your work for you and a refusal to follow the rule might result in a block. Fortunately, I didn't have to remind Lady again after that – but not thanks to Killian, who was more than willing to let her get away with breaking the rules.

Part Eight: "No one is dodging any question"
There was an incident where I suggested an alternate solution for the Witchcraft page and going back to an old layout for the Magical Abilities section (note that tthis section was later moved to the Magic article, so it's no longer on the Witchcraft page). Lady said no, people had agreed to change the format and there was no point in going back to the old one then. However, when I asked her about the details for the supposed user consensus, she refused to give me a clear answer, tried to talk it away (indicating that there never was a discussion in the first place), played mind games and made rude and/or mind game comments like "Just because you missed something, it doesn't mean that it did not happen ^^", "No need to be harsh or even rude when someone is answering you.", "You're admin, so technically you can check yourself what was deleted" etc.

Then Killian, always eager to help his favorite, joined the conversation and helped Lady cover up what she was doing by ALSO dodging the question (which also indicated that there never was a discussion in the first place) and playing similar mind games (being vague and saying things like "You can always check if there was a discussion about it in the comments" and "I don't get why you want to find such a discussion anyway").

Then he got nasty: "Your last comment was really bossy and rude, you shouldn't go around telling people what they do or don't remember, especially since you make glaring errors when it comes to trying to remember past discussions yourself. You have every right to ask about what I do or don't remember, but you can't expect me to be obliged to answer to you ASAP, and you can not assume you know my answer just because you didn't hear it yet (and yes, you have done this in the past too)."

He also said "stop assuming people's intentions. No one is dodging any question."

I left the conversation online for a long time (Killian, of course, deleted it at first, since he didn't like that I called out their lies and bull****; but I later restored it), for people to see for themselves, but this was a dead conversation which could not be left in the comment field forever, so eventually, I deleted it; however, you can read the back-up copy I created on Archive.is here; scroll down to the comment field the bottom of the page. I am also including a transcript here:

Yeah, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. One person plays mindgames and an admin not only assists her in doing so but tries to help her cover things up… I have no words.

Part Nine: Harassment in social media
One day, I learned the hard way that online wikis are not the only platform you can use for harassment. After a very angry Killian was finished yelling at me, Utter solitude and AppleGirl for dropping to conclusions about him (read part six for more details), he actively used a chat room for the admins on a social media site to harass me and try to get me fired from the wiki. He believed that I was lying about a detail from the conversation where he wasn't present. I was telling the truth, but his fiery reaction made me think that I remembered things wrongly.

However, the next day, I checked the transcript and found out that I had remembered correctly after all… If you wanna know what it was about, it was, long story short: Him "when I didn't speak for 1 1/2 hours after the discussion began, you wanted to leave me out of it" / Me: ”Don't blame me. Utter told (AppleGirl) and me that you didn't want to speak to us, and I believed her. I thought she knew something that I didn't know." / Him: "Utter said I could be legitimately afk when you and (AppleGirl) said I was avoiding you and the first one to say it was you xD".

When I looked into the matter, I found out that I was indeed the first one who said it, but I didn't say he was avoiding us, I merely wondered ''if he did. Then Utter said that he was "definitely avoiding us" and I believed her. See? We BOTH touched upon the subject, but she was the only one who actually stated that he was avoiding us''.

One thing I deeply regret about this conversation is that I didn't do more to defend myself. I didn't even take the opportunity yell at him, like he deserved. Instead, I went fairly easy on him... The reason for my relatively mild reaction, is that I, rather naively, thought that Utter would give him the punishment he deserved when she came back and she read what he wrote (she wasn't there in the beginning; she was at work). But much to my despair, she only gave him a slap on the wrist and essentially let him get away with everything (just in case you wonder, I did inform her that I was going to add this to my story; she was okay with it, but didn't comment on why she let him get away).

Part Ten: Election based on deception
After everything I've told you, you would think Killian values honesty above everything else. But no. When the time came for him to hold a community vote to get himself elected as bureaucrat, he knew he couldn't exactly tell them how he had let his friend get away with breaking the rules and how he'd pulled rank over and over, been controlling and repeatedly used me as his verbal punching bag; that might cost him votes. So he deceived the users and left those details out.

"I would never do anything to put any other user in an uncomfortable position, and I don't think I ever have, except for the one time where I myself was put in the most awkward of them, rightfully feeling "cornered, alone" and accused by my fellow admins of willingly neglecting an important discussion, so I decided I the community had the right to know what had happened for transparency." Right. So apparently, I was imagining it when he let Lady get away with harassment, when he shouted me down when I exposed the harassment, when he harassed me in social media and tried to get me demoted for something I didn't do, was controlling and became furious with someone misunderstanding him or reverting his edits, called me a damsel in distress, and refused to interfere when Lady was pestering me in chat, claiming that my Netflix sources where illegal. Yup, I must have imagined it all, because surely, all that definitely qualifies as putting someone in an unfortunate position?

"I am guilty of having expressed myself in ways that weren't the best in the past, but I have shown that I have changed." Right. So apparently, I was imagining it when he harassed me in social media, which took place immediately before the sham election.

"All in all, I love the wiki and I have always done my best to do what I think is in the best interest of the community." Right. So it must be in the best interest of the community to give special benefits to your friends and let them get away with breaking the rules. Especially harassment. That must surely benefit the wiki.

"In addition, I am not the disrespectful one in the staff. My worst insult ever, was to call an admin a liar". Sounds to me like all he did was call me a liar once and never harass me or try to get me demoted for something I didn't do. I must have imagined it, then… I guess I must have imagined being compared to a damsel in distress as well. But, oh, wait, I didn't.

'''"I would appreciate it if you stopped calling that harassment." –Killian Jones'''

Later, I confronted him about it in a chat session (yeah, I still have it).

I told him, "You deliberately withheld info from the users. You did not tell them about all the times you’ve been very rude to people, made hurtful comments, laughed at people, become angry over things that other people would not become angry over, pulled rank on people, acted inappropriately, and not to mention when you harassed me and tried to get me demoted because you refused to believe me when I said I had forgotten something. If you want to be elected, the “voters” deserve the whole truth."

He knew I was right, of course, and dodged the question: "I know you have an idea of who I am and I really know how that idea looks like. I understand fully where it comes from. I do not pretend that my interactions with you in the past were correct and I do not expect you to forgive me for anything, or to befriend me. But I expect you to understand that your view on me is a very small minority".

Ah! Apparently, that makes completely it okay to deceive the users and hide the truth from them… I told him he was hiding his true colors from the users. Of course, he knew I was right about that as well and dodged the question again and saying things that made zero sense: "My true colors? (…) What I'm trying to say here is that you see my true colors one way, I see your true colors another way. Why is either of us more correct than the other?"

Then he had the nerve to say that what he did to me in social media wasn't harassment: "I would appreciate it if you stopped calling that harassment. I was addressing AppleGirl and Utter. I never followed you elsewhere to bash you about it", "I was not aggressively badgering you, I was talking to them. Expressing what I thought to be true", "I was trying to ignore you. But whatever, if you want to keep thinking of it as harassment even when I'm telling you it was not, you're free to think whatever you want of it."

Excuse me, but that DEFINITELY qualifies as harassment! Still, I correctly pointed out that he said a lot of things to me personally before he started addressing the others. His reply? "I was not badgering you."

I said, "You were attacking me. Utter pointed it out. You went too far, was way to aggressive, and was badgering and pestering me. That is harassment, and I think many people would see it like that." He replied that Utter pointing it out meant nothing to him...

I would also like to point out that after Killian got elected, he refused to actively collaborate with the rest of the admins and was determined to do things his own way. The rest of us wanted to have weekly admin meetings on the wiki's chat, to create more openness and transparency; he didn't want to be part of that, stating that he didn't have time, but said that we could hold the meetings and he would drop by if he had the time (in other words: Leave the job to us and reap the benefits whenever he saw fit). Of course, given the fact that he had wronged all three of us, he probably didn't enjoy the idea of having regular meetings with us...

He even created a staff survey to show the rest of us how he was the most popular girl in school. He didn't bother to inform or even ask the rest of the team first; he went behind our back and created the whole thing without our consent. The survey contained the options "yes", "no" and "undecided" and included questions such as "Do you consider X a knowledgeable admin?", "Do you consider X a friendly admin?", "Do you consider x a helpful admin?", "Who is your favorite administrator?" and "Who is your least favorite Administrator?". Say no more...

Part Eleven: "Don't think for a second that you deserve to be an admin any more than she does" –Killian Jones
I've already told you, in the preface, about how he tried to blackmail me into resigning as an admin because I didn’t want to promote his friend to content moderator. There was one thing I didn't mention and that is the identity of his friend. However, after everything I've told you, it should come to no surprise that the friend he wanted to promote was Lady.

This happened not long after she lost her position as an admin. She had been horrible to several people, not just me. Me, Utter solitude and AppleGirl were in favor of the demotion, but Killian, of course, voted no. He still chose his friends over moral principles and leadership responsibility. The fact that she was making life a living hell for some of the users meant nothing to him.

I told him that I was I worried that users might leave the wiki or break down in tears, because of the way she treated them (and as you recall from Part Three, one of the users, Everthevillain, DID eventually leave exactly because he couldn't take it anymore). He didn't care and did everything in his power to downplay and make her actions seem less serious than they were (yeah, I still have that conversation): "Well, I have heard you, and I strongly disagree." / "you make mistakes, Lady does, I do" / "I do think you're exaggerating Lily". I told him that it didn’t matter if you make many good edits. If you are cruel to people, then you should go. Pure and simple. His reply? "She is not cruel lol Is she rude? Yeah, I won't deny it. Is she more helpful than harmful? Extremely".

I told him that we couldn't send out a message saying "as long as you are useful to the wiki, you can be as rude as you want". He did not care. "I see your point, but I still disagree." I told him she was harming the users. He replied, "I do not see that", adding "I am not aware of any problems that have occurred recently lol". When I replied that the problems had been going on for years (something he knew perfectly well), he knew he couldn't contradict that and deflected the question by saying, "I said “I am not aware of any problems that have occurred recently lol“". Etc.

You can also see this forum comment for yourself here, where he outright states, "There was an admin consensus (3 out of the 5 admins, except Lady and myself) to demote her. I do think she should be promoted again though, either to content moderator or admin. :)"

Despite his objections, Lady was demoted and lost all her user rights. She was still Killian's friend, though, so he asked if she could be a content moderator instead. However, she had just been demoted and there was no way me and the other admins were going to say yes to that at the time (she was eventually promoted to content moderator, but not until a year later; it was Killian's idea, of course, and the other two admins voted yes, while I chose to remain neutral).

Needless to say, he didn't like the fact that we said no, and was even less pleased with the fact that I said no. "Why not demote you as well", he said. I replied, "Have I ever harassed someone, threatened someone, called someone stupid, an idiot etc.? Have I ever been given a warning for bullying?". "I've never been a bully.", I said. He knew there was no way for him to truthfully contradict that, so instead he went into full attack mode: "Don't think for a second that you deserve to be an admin any more than she does", he said. "You are not fit for an admin."

I still refused to budge, and, well, you know what happened next… When you are so fixated on making your friend a staff member that you are willing to threaten and blackmail for their sake, then something is seriously wrong. Sorry, but that is a fact.

There is something else that I didn't mention, and that is the psychological ramifications of the threat. Since I knew he would use any potential gaps in my technical knowledge against me, I could never be open about it if there was something I didn't know. Instead, I had to work under the radar and be secretive; if I needed help or advise with something wiki-related, for example, I could never ask him, out of fear that he would use it against me. Instead, I had to ask the other admins, and I couldn't do it it on their wall; I always had to use social media, different channels than the wiki. I knew that if he found something else that I didn't know, he would use it against me and exploit it to the fullest. I felt like a double agent; always being on guard and never able to fully relax or act naturally.

Also, when I went on vacation, I had to ask the other admins to keep it a secret from him, so he wouldn't seize the opportunity to arrange for a community vote about my demotion while I was away; not just because I didn't want to lose the position, but also because I knew that if I lost it, I would be even less worthy of his respect (in his eyes) and he would be even more horrible to me than before.

I could never, ever lower my guard, which was very stressful and demanding. Then, on top of everything, something tragic happened when Utter got cancer (you can read more about that here). I and the rest of the admins had to keep that a secret from him as well. We knew that if he found out, he might try to exploit it for his own gain, such as holding a vote to replace her because of how little she edited, or amp up the harassment and other seedy activities because the other bureaucrat was busy battling disease...

Part Twelve: Accusing me of lying about the whole thing
As some of you may recall, there was an incident in April 2017, where I, in the comment field for the Black Beard article, gave Lady a friendly warning for what I believed to be a rude form of sarcasm. Lady is known for using inappropriate sarcasm on this wiki and I had warned her about similar, inappropriate behavior before. Of course, Killian jumped in to save his friend: "You complain that you've had to warn her 3 times about alleged sarcasm. I have had to warn you a lot more than 3 times to drop your prejudice against Lady, going back to before you were even a rollback. This has to stop."

You see? Once again, he became furious over a mere misunderstanding, only this time, it wasn't about himself. He even had the nerve to refer to a mere misunderstanding as "prejudice". Taking a normal, human action and turning it into a weapon against them... Just when you think a person cannot sink any lower, they still manage to surprise you. I apologized for the misunderstanding, but clarified that the other two warnings were not about sarcasm, they were about snide comments to other users. I also correctly stated that I was not the only one admin who'd had to give her warnings about her attitude and this included several instances where he stood by and did nothing. Yeah, I actually said that; I was tired of covering up his dirty little secrets.

He, of course, would not admit that he had let Lady get away with breaking the rules and deflected the question: "If you have any complaints about my actions (or lack thereof) you can direct them to my all, you should know this is no place for such arguments. To close the discussion, everyone knows very well that there is a big prejudicial bias against Lady Junky maintained by you and a few other people on this wiki which leads you to commit this kind of mistake. Finding "sarcasm" and "rudeness" where there is absolutely none, only because of the user who makes the comment. This is something you do not only to Lady Junky, but to other people, including myself on many occasions."

Doing it again, taking a normal, human action and turning it into weapons. I've already told you how angry he would be when I misunderstood him, so hopefully, you can see the pattern? In addition, I would love to know who the "other people" are, because I haven't the faintest idea what he's talking about (and since he loves to accuse me of lying, let me just add that that is the truth, the truth and nothing but he truth). Being accused of something that wasn't true (I wasn't being prejudiced; I misunderstood, g*d d*mnit!) and fed up with being treated like sh*t, I gave him the full version: "Please stop with the victimization, and stop turning this into a problem with prejudice. The actions of me and "the other people" had nothing to to with prejudice, it was about putting an end to multiple instances of bullying and cyberbullying, years of insults and snapping at people, and a complete lack of remorse – including all the times you did not interfere in these actions. I know of one user who left the wiki because of this. So again, stop with the victimization, because this is completely unacceptable."

Killian then did his most unforgiveable deed so far (in addition to the blackmail): He went to my wall and accused me of making everything up. Yeah, according to him I was lying about the bullying and the harassment. That's right, the victim of said bullying and harassment was accused of making things up. That means that everything Lady did to me was all in my head. I must have imagined all of it, Only, wait; I didn't imagine it; it was all true!

You can see for yourself here: "Please, if you're going to harass users at least have the decency not to lie to them.". Excuse me? I harassed Lady? I was the one who had been subject to more than a year of harassment by the two of them and now suddenly I was the harasser for speaking the truth about said harassment? Needless to say, I closed the discussion. He re-opened it by force; he didn't like that I rightfully referred to his actions as insults. I closed it again and he re-opened it again, for the same reason. He then went straight for the jugular (I've since removed this comment, due to its offending nature): "Many users have pointed out cases in which you blatantly lied, that is a fact. Whether you think it is truthful or not, it doesn't give you the right to turn it against the people who witness it." I wanted to protest. I wanted to say that he was wrong, that this couldn't be right. I wanted to say that he must be misremembering, or getting me mixed up with someone else, or that the whole thing was must have been a misunderstanding (I was, and still am, convinced that Killian was either misremembering, getting me mixed up with someone else, or deliberately lying about this – I know, the irony... – because I have no idea whatsoever what the h*ll he was talking about). But I'm sorry to say that I was too afraid to do so; I was sure that if I did, he would insist on what he said, refuse to elaborate, and once again rub it in my face and accuse me of misremembering deliberately. Of course, I later realized that this would have been a much better alternative than coming across as a liar. This is what harassment does to you. It makes you afraid of standing up for yourself.

Utter solitude interfered. "Stop harassing Lily like this", she said. "Calling her a liar and twisting facts IS insulting, and it needs to stop. If you can't be respectful and keep personal grudges out of professional dealings, be silent or bring someone else to advise on the situation."

His reply: "You think I'm "twisting facts" and that pointing out blatant lies is an insult, but you don't seem to have a problem with calling Lady out for sarcasm/rudeness and calling her a bully, cyber bully, and a COMPLETELY REMORSELESS person in a comment thread where she did absolutely nothing but agree with Lily." Ahem, may I remind you, Killian, that I brought up all that because you accused ME of being prejudiced and being after your friend for no reason. If you think I’m not going to defend myself in such a situation, you are seriously wrong…

Utter told him that he shouldn't have butted in on the conversation and that she though he might be seeing malice where it does not exist. He kept defending his actions. "I think she is legitimately prejudiced against Lady and is, therefore, harassing her. I know you don't forget that Lady is also a person and I hope you know that her feelings are hurt every time Lily jumps on her for no reason whatsoever." Excuse me?? I would never harass anyone (I am better than that, thank you very much!) and I would certainly never do so based on prejudice.

Then he had the nerve to say "And the so called "fight" I started will always be necessary as long as anyone is treated this way. I will always defend people when I think they are being harassed like this".

Seriously?? After all the times he betrayed me (and others) by standing by and doing absolutely nothing while Lady was being horrible to me (and others), he had the nerve to say that he "defends people" who are being harassed??? This is just... *Okay, Lily, breathe...* Let me just correct that: '''No, Killian, as I've showed again and again in this post, you only defend you friends. When your friend is the one doing the harassment, you are happy to stand by and watch and let it continue. In other words, you do not defend people who are being harassed. Instead, you actively support harassment and even help people do it by doing nothing to stop it and shooting down any attempt to expose them.'''

This is what I told him (as you can see, I was sick and tired of protecting his dirty little secrets; I regret that I didn't go into more detail, but like I said, I was afraid of him):

''"I'm sorry, but that is not true. I can mention several instances where you did nothing of the sort.
 * When Lady insulted a fellow user by calling them stupid to their face (already mentioned), and referred to another user as an idiot, you did not interfere. I was the one who had to tell her that this was completely unacceptable, because you didn't.
 * There was one episode where Lady, in chat, kept accusing me of breaking the rules and using illegal image sources. I clearly told you that her behavior was bothering me and that I was tired of being accused of breaking the rules every time I visited chat, and that if it didn't stop, I would have to stop coming to chat. You could have asked her, nicely, to take the discussion to my wall instead, but you didn't. All you said, was that it would be a pity if I stopped coming to chat.
 * ''Did you give her a warning on her wall when she insulted a user by implying that they were unable to find or read the policies (already mentioned)? I'm sorry to say it, but you didn't.
 * When Lady threatened me on chat, saying that she could remove my trivia sources and make my trivia worthless, I informed you about this right away, but you brushed it off and did nothing. (And yes, you offered to take care of it the second time I mentioned it, but that doesn't matter - you still brushed it off and did nothing the first time I explained it to you, which was unacceptable.)
 * And here we have a warning from AppleGirl on Lady's wall. A warning that should have come from you, but it didn't."

Anyway; Utter said, "Lily wasn't harassing Lady, and if Lady had responded and said she wasn't being sarcastic in that comment, Lily would have apologized for the misunderstanding. If anyone is being harassed, it's Lily, by you."

Once again, he made Lady the victim: "I don't see how on earth you could possibly believe that Lady has any fight left in her about this. You forcefully removed her from the staff in a fishy and shady way which led the staff to many problems, as I'm sure you remember." Excuse me? Shady? Fishy? She had been cruel to so many people (one user even left because he couldn't take it anymore) and we were shady and fishy? I just… This… I have no words.

And this is what this "shady and fishy" person responded to him: "You know fully well that Lady was demoted after episodes of bullying (these are mentioned in Utter's warning here), and multiple episodes of nasty comments and insults toward other users. Three of many examples: She insulted one user by calling said person stupid during group chat ("we should ban you for stupidity"). She referred to another user as an idiot. When I made her aware of how unacceptable this was, her only response was "I don't care :-)" (yes, with a smiley). Third example: Here she responds to a user during a discussion about policies, and implies that the person cannot find or read the policies: "Since apparently you can't find it or read it, well that's the point of the policies for you :)" And your fellow admins are not the only ones noticing these things. If you want another user's input, here is an old comment from ChocolatEyes: "Lady's demotion was well-deserved. She was notorious for being rude to members in the chat.""

Utter commented on the sarcasm issue: "I cannot speak for Lily, but I have had others tell me that they find Lady sarcastic a lot of the time. (…) and you seem to forget this: Lady has a history of being nasty and snarky to people. That's why she was demoted. It is not some conspiracy against her, nor was it shady or fishy."

I was fed up of him being controlling and freaking out over mere misunderstandings. First, I pointed to all the times he had misunderstood or misremembered. For example, there was a chat session where he admonished me because he mistakenly thought I had deleted something without permission – which I hadn't. And there was one incident where he lashed out in anger, saying that I was involved in Gusey's (a former admin) demotion – even though I wasn't even a staff member then, and had nothing to do with what happened. Now, I could have berated him and scolded him for that, but all I did, was set the facts straight, and told him that I hadn't deleted said content (but some other content), and reminded him that I had nothing to do with Gusey. I told him that would never hold it against someone for misunderstanding, and I expected him to do the same. Some people actually want to be descent human beings instead of being controlling and having a viscous temper... ''(A third example, which I didn't mention, is how he once gave me a warning for reverting an admin's edits (this was before I became an admin myself). You can read it here: "Also, consider this an official warning. You do not revery an admin's edit just because you don't think it's ok. If you want a discussion you are more than welcome to start one, but only AFTER the discussion you can go and revert it. This is, of course, regarding a major edit. You can obviously correct an admin's edit if it is minor." However, as Utter solitude pointed out here, here, here and here, an admin's edits can be reverted just like everyone else's and it is not against the rules to revert an admin's edit. Yeah, apparently, he is free to misunderstand as much as he wants to, but if I do the same, then God help me...)''.

I told him that I found it alarming that he was willing to defend people here, but not in any of the other cases that I mentioned. He, of course, knew how true that was but was he going to admit it? Oh, no. Instead, he shot the messenger. Or rather, tried to embarrass the messenger by calling out a typo when I mistyped and wrote "block" instead of "demotion". Rudely, snidely, condescendingly (well, you get the picture), he brought up Sigmund Freud and psychoanalysis and gave me this beautiful message:

""What block?


 * ''A Freudian slip, also called parapraxis, is an error in speech, memory, or physical action that is interpreted as occurring due to the interference of an unconscious subdued wish or internal train of thought. The concept is part of classical psychoanalysis.


 * ''Classical examples of parapraxes involve slips of the tongue and of the pen, but psychoanalytic theory also embraces misreadings, mishearings, temporary forgettings, and the mislaying and losing of objects."

Wow… He even had the nerve to say that this wasn't an insult. "It was just meant to show that Lily keeps proving my point. And it's no secret that she wanted a permanent block for Lady. I then learned it also includes misreadings, which also comes to the case."

You see why I was afraid to defend myself against the lying part mentioned earlier? This is a classic example of what he was likely do to do to me if I did.

He, of course, showed no remorse. He said he was sorry for how this made me feel, but stood by everything he said. "You can be worried all you want, I do not consider any of what I said to be wrong", he said.

-

Some of you may also remember that Utter gave me a warning because I had called Lady out on the things she'd done, saying that I had offended Lady by doing so (she later edited that part out after I pointed out what that sounded like). Utter's motives in doing so were decent; she wrote what she did because Lady had been a victim of a misunderstanding in that particular situation. Unfortunately, the warning was very vague; she wrote "at a point in that thread you were insulting her, and that's not acceptable", which made me seem like I was a liar (like Killian said) and made everything up. Eventually, I removed it, because of that and because it is never, under any circumstances whatsoever, acceptable to ask the victim of bullying to keep quiet about what what happened to them. I told her all that, adding "The warning did more damage than good". "I understand", she said.

Epilogue
So, dear reader, did I make you feel uncomfortable by all of this? I hope so, because it should. When I first posted this, I half expected Killian to barge in at any moment and punish me for daring to expose him and his friend. A part of me felt that if I was kicked out, at least I would be free of him and this hell... What I do know, is that this had to be said. Silence enables injustice. At least every person who reads this knows the truth now.

Fortunately, this had a happy ending: In December 2018, a community vote was held and Killian finally lost his position as bureaucrat; all of his lies, harassment and bullying was were finally exposed to the world. After he was demoted, he changed his user name; but that won't change who is is or what he's done. Silence enables injustice; in this case, my refusal to stay silent ensured that justice won out in the end...