Board Thread:Character Discussion/@comment-4839682-20131003142941/@comment-22525977-20131006024656

I don't think Cora did know about Daniel—she wouldn't have allowed it to get as far as it did if she had. The moment she got wind of any romance between them, Daniel would have either been sent packing or killed. She knew there was something going on with Regina, but she didn't connect the dots and realize it was the stableboy until Snow let it slip (it's similar to how Regina realized Henry was upset and hated her about something but had no idea it was because he knew about the curse until Emma brought it up in the pilot).

Likewise, Regina had nothing to do with Eva's death; that was all Cora and Regina had no idea that her mother had been involved until years later in Storybrooke. Ostensibly Cora did it with the aim of making Regina queen, but Regina is absolutely not culpable for what her mother chose to do. I would argue the same for Johanna; Regina is an accomplice in Johanna's case, not the actual murderer—not as blameless as she was for Eva's death, but also not the killer herself.

What Regina can be truly blamed for are the mass murder of entire villages, casting the Dark Curse, getting the genie to murder Leopold on her behalf, repeatedly trying to kill or otherwise torment Snow, and taking the huntsman's heart. With the exception of Graham's heart—which had no direct bearing on Snow's life, since it happened following the botched assassination—all of these are things that Snow can legitimately claim have hurt her—though I think ruining Snow's life isn't quite accurate, considering that in the end, Snow has gotten everything she wanted—her lover, her family, her autonomy, even a cease-fire with Regina.

Snow foolishly clued Cora in to Daniel and led indirectly to his death. Immediately after this, she, unintentionally or not, rubbed it into Regina's face by being so happy about getting to have Regina as a mother after all, effectively rubbing salt into the wounds. Then, as another indirect result of Snow's foolishness, Regina was forced into a loveless marriage with a man three times her age and made to play the role of the loving step-mother to the very girl who had caused this to happen to her.

There's also nothing to suggest that Snow came to understand how miserable and awful Regina's life was until years and years later, when Regina finally told her the truth about what had happened to Daniel. There's nothing to suggest that Snow knew why Regina hated her until the moment with the apple—that, I think, is what really fueled Regina's hatred, more than Daniel's death.

Finally, there are multiple instances where Snow "forgives" Regina only to immediately turn on her again: the Wilma incident, which we've already discussed here, and the "test" when Snow offered to let Regina go are the main two. These may or may not have been true forgiveness on Snow's part (I'm inclined to think not—they come off more as charity than forgiveness to me), but from Regina's perspective, the instant she didn't grovel at Snow's feet in gratefulness at being forgiven, Snow turned against her again. After the test, Snow also stripped Regina of her ability to fight back at all, rendering her effectively powerless before banishing her; a cruel and unusual punishment in comparison to the release of an execution.

Then, in Storybrooke, Mary Margaret is the reason Henry gets the fairytale book and decides that Regina is evil (the impression I get is that Henry and Regina's relationship was rocky and then Henry found the book and it went from "rough patch" to "Henry straight-up believes his mother is evil and he has to stop her"). Mary Margaret takes part in removing Henry from Regina's care completely by the time the curse breaks. And then Mary Margaret murders Cora using Regina as a weapon and has the audacity to then beg Regina to kill her because she just feels too guilty to bear, never mind that doing so would render Regina and Henry's relationship irreparable.

So the main difference between Snow thinking Regina ruined her life and Regina thinking Snow ruined hers is that Snow is talking about externally visible actions on Regina's part and Regina is talking primarily about what Snow has done to her psychologically. Both are, I think, equally valid complaints (though I think that, in the grand scheme of things, Snow ultimately ended up in a much better position than Regina did; Snow has her happy family and her True Love where Regina is still struggling to get any affection from her own son and the majority of people she knows despise her).